So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
