I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
