i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
