I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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