So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
