i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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