i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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