Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
