I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
