I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
