he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
