White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
