I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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