Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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