i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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