You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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