I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm passing your future prison.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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