is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize