I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
