Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
