my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
