I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
