Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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