It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I CAN MOONWALK!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's blow job season.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
