You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
