I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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