I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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