Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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