I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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