puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
