I wanna passion pit in your ass
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is wine microwaveable?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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