she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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