next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
