i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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