hotel room ftw
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
