I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
