morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
