Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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