Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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