Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
