Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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