pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
