Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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