whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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