I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
