garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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