2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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