she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Panties = found
Randomize
