Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
