I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
