why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your cock deserves a montage
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
