Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
