I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
