my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
