you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
