Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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