Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
