wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
