you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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