I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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