no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
