i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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