her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
